What it feels like to be depressed

IF ANYBODY CARES ENOUGH TO ASK WHY

by Tommy Rice

I have grown so weary, so tired with all this pain. Loneliness inside. One day I am up, but most of the time I am down.

I have learned to hide it, put on a happy face. But deep inside my mind and my heart, I am dying inside.

Before death of my family started surrounding me. I was on Cloud 9 most of the time.

The ones I loved the most had now gone to their heavenly home, leaving me all alone, with me asking God, "Why?"

I miss out on having children to love. I missed out on hearing Daddy say, "I love you". I missed out on growing old with my wife. I missed out on the greatest years of my life.

When I lost my wife, I lost my will to live. She was all I had. My reason to carry on. She would love me, care for me, until the bitter end.

I sat down at my kitchen table to write my last goodbye of why I chose this way to die, wondering if anybody cares enought to ask why.

I went to my bedroom, put the gun to my head, until I could work up enough nerve to pull the trigger. And suddenly, a deep sleep came upon me.

I woke up several hours later with my gun beside me. Tears flowing down my face. Realizing it was God's way of stopping this greatest of tragedies in the dark, as if I was given a second chance on life.